My Two Cents

Unless you've been living inside some wonderful arsehole repelling bubble this week it can't have escaped your notice that there's been a bit of a kerfuffle over at Sky Sports towers. Richard Keys and Andy Gray were caught on mic having a bit of banter that most level headed folks consider to be inappropriate. Since football began in 1992 Keys and Gray have been the faces of The Empire's football output. That's most of my life. Due to a mental problem I don't normally cope well with change but in this case, someone else presenting Monday Night Raw Football or Super Duper Sunday doesn't bother me in the slightest. I mean come on, this isn't like Des Lynam leaving the BBC and Match of the Day.

The comments Keys and Gray made during the Wolves vs Liverpool game (and in the various videos being leaked on to YouTube by the hour) were highly sexist. As I'm not a women and have never experienced prejudice based on my gender I'm concerned that commenting on the treatment of women in football will come across as insincere but I'll do my best.
 

Keys in happier times

Keys came to the attention of the nation presenting TV:AM, a sort of primitive version of Daybreak. Breakfast television at the time was far from innocent. TV:AM put a homeless rat into various humorous situations and on BBC Breakfast a woman was forced into a green leotard and made to writhe around. With a background in controversial television it's not surprising that this isn't the first gaff Keys has made whilst miked up, once describing a Scotland vs Faroe Islands international game thusly: 'Daft little ground, silly game. Fuck off.' But, who can hold that against him? And who amongst us can consider him sexist when he actually got married, to a woman! And, he allowed her to say things like this to the Guardian: 'Sky were offside in the sexism row' and 'The wrong two guys were given the red card.' Having a wife who can deliver so many football based puns without even knowing the offside rule is quite an achievement but Keys easily outdid her (probably because he's man) by saying things like 'Success breeds envy', 'the dark forces were out for me' and 'Smell my cheese, you mother!' to Talk Sport, presumably forgetting he was on mic again.

Viewers of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding will recognise the 'grabbing' technique

Andy Gray took the traditional route to football journalism. He played as a striker for Everton and then met a bloke in a pub who knew someone who knew someone who Gray showed a trick involving salt, pepper and some imagination. In Gray's defence iPad's hadn't been invented prior to 1991 and neither had football. According to his Wikipedia entry Gray has 5 children by 4 different women. I'm sure you can make your own mind up about him.

Charlotte, can you give me a hand with my microphone cable?

Both are thankfully now gone. After a short suspension Keys resigned while Gray was sacked. Andy and Richard may have fucked up on a Ron Atkinson level but, there are a few silver linings to this whole incident: 1. The profile of women working in football, particularly the mens game, has risen beyond belief and the hope is that it will keep rising with the launch of the FA Super League in April and the continued introduction of female officials in the Premier League. 2. With Keys and Gray out of the way Sky has the opportunity to refine it's output. The Internet (twitter being a prime example) is awash with talented football types who could do a far superior job covering the Premier League and could do so without uttering 'Did you smash it?' or 'He's said I'm going to hit it, and he has, and it's gone in. Tika booow san.' That's also not mentioning great pundits already on the telly like Lee Dixon who could actually provide more of an insight into the game without having to resort to touchscreen technology.

Unfortunately the obvious casualty from all of this, Sian Massey, is still suffering the after affects. She had been due to be an assistant referee of the Crewe vs Bradford game mid-week and was to referee the Corby Town vs Eastwood Town in the Blue Square Bet North league this evening but she has been withdrawn from both by the same people who have persisted with Stuart Attwell for so long. She has to be the first official in the history of the game who has been pulled from matches for getting a decision right.